A Rock and Roll Suicide

31st January 2012

Post

One reason as to how I am terrible at making emotional connections:

I hate having people feel pity for me or give me attention when bad things happen. For instance, when both my grandpa and grandma were very sick and died I did not post “RIP grandpa/grandma” and I didn’t even tell my best friends what was going on until AFTER they died. The reason is because I don’t want attention. I don’t want people to write on my wall that they are sorry for my loss like they actually give a crap.

But I understand that there are many people out there who do feel the need to express their emotions to the public…like the majority of my family. My cousin just died and it is a tragic loss in our family which is upsetting. I mustered up the courage to write his daughter on fb expressing my condolences but that was it. I have not yet called my deceased cousin’s his wife or his brother yet and my mom is urging me to do so because it is the right thing to do. Which I know it is…but I am so bad at talking about these things. I realllly don’t want to do it.

It isn’t because I don’t care because I do…I just have no idea what to say in these situations. I am so terrible at this that I even wrote down what I should say when I call them. I am so terrible at this that I am writing this blog post as a way of procrastinating these phone calls.

Tagged: personal